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  • My Parents Are Fine (Enough To Ignore Right Now)

    Aaron Murphy

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    Hey everybody, Aaron Murphy with ForeverHome. This vlog's titled, My Parents Are Fine. How are you folks? It's a question you get from your close friends, especially those you've known a long time. My college friends ask, my high school friends ask, they liked my parents growing up. My folks were actually pretty young when they had me, so they were still kind of fun to hang out with. Um, so, anyway, it was a great age when I was in college. We'd come home from the University of Washington and Stay with them down in the Portland, Oregon area on the way to, you know, go skiing in the winter or going to the coast was a great 25 years later. My parents are in their early 70s. They're baby boomers. They're part of that 10, 000 people turning 65 every day. That's been going on since 2011. And people ask how are your folks doing? They're still doing fine. They'll be okay. They're getting by. They get around all right. Have you heard any of these come out of your mouth? When someone asks you how your parents are. Maybe you're coming into the holidays and heading home for Christmas or bringing the grandkids. I'm gonna suggest that it might be time to be a little more critical when you think about how they're doing. My concern with this, and the reason I care to share, is that the problem is you keep saying they're fine. How long will you say that? They'll keep saying they're fine. They come from a generation raised by parents from the Great Depression. They were taught that as long as things look okay from the curb and in the church pew, you don't burden other people with your problem. Well, that's, that's where my parents are at. So you have to dig deep. You also have to have longer and gentler discussions to get to the root of the matter. And, the truth is usually three levels deep. You have to think of it like peeling an onion. And you have to be an active listener. Uh, we promote that as our architecture firm, when it's problem seeking that you're doing to get to a real scope of work. So, I've said these things. That has been my response when a college friend says, How are your folks doing? But what if that's just the convenient answer? What if you keep saying that until it's too late? If mom falls and breaks her hip, can't design and remodel and get a permit in 8 to 12 weeks while she's in rehab. That's why we talk about being proactive. I worry about my mom and her back and her neck and her osteoarthritis and her lack of sleep from sleep apnea. I worry about her pain meds and how she manages those. I worry about the fact that she couldn't pick up the grandkids when they were five and seven very well anymore. I worry about dad. I worry about his sleep patterns. Two hours here, five hours there, two hour nap in the afternoon. Maybe that's just the joy of semi retirement. I don't know. But, yeah, my point is, I, I worry about death, or lack of exercise, or cholesterol, or his blood pressure, and I'm an only child, and we have a decent relationship, but life gets busy. So, you tend to naturally say, they're fine. They tend to naturally say, I'm fine, and leave it at that. Maybe I'm only doing that because that's what I selfishly need. Maybe that's just what sounds easiest at face value. But what if? What if they had a heart attack? What if mom fell down the stairs? I've got kids to raise. I don't have time to think about it. I don't have time to help. We're so busy. Soccer this, and PTA that, and our vacation, and just consider not saying they're fine. For too long, until it's too late. Take a little more time, next time you see them, to assess what you see. 93 percent of conversation is non verbal. What's the body language? What are the eyes doing? Pay attention, take some notes, start thinking ahead, so you're not saying they're fine until it's too late. For more information about what we do at ForeverHome, helping create Forever Homes, so that you can stay where you love and thrive where you live for boomers and their families, come visit us over at

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